by S. Ray

Do you know any thugs that have bled for six days without even dying?  Well you’re lookin’ at her, bitch. -From Heavy Flow by Toast

Since the word underground went mainstream, we all know rappers.   And that’s a good thing.  Verse is verse, it’s healthy to write it, read it, or bounce to the beat behind it.  From a guesswork stats point of view, to rap is the closest thing to writing poetry most people can ever hope to do to make a living.   Or simply travel a bit.   (Same thing in some ways.)  However, the odds are still against you as an aspiring emcee.  We all want to be rappers, astronauts, athletes or whatever.  Again, a good thing.  I’m just saying.  In the US in particular, we strive to stand out, to be the life of the party.   “The nail that sticks up gets hammered down” doesn’t  apply here.  We don’t plan on working fifteen years at a retail counter to get rich and have some gold gazelles.

Ambitions arise.  Plans hatch.  People form bands and write shit that makes heads bob.  You and me and the rest, we are in there with whatever we do in the same sort of way, rapping or otherwise.  And kind as you can be day today, you must admit that if you had to choose between me making it and you, you’d probably fight to bring home that metaphysical bacon you get from being good at something creative.  You have to put yourself out there or somebody else will in your place faster than you can say “bitch.”  Call it artistic Darwinism if you like, and then  embrace it, let it make you fitter.

Say what you want, but I’m gonna throw it out there – it’s even harder for ladies when it comes to homebrew Hip Hop.  Think about every successful girl band you’ve ever happened to meet.  Were any of them even rappers?  Doubt it.

Let’s consider big names in hip hop history:  Missy Elliot, TLC, Salt n’ Peppa, Lauren Hill; these are the founding mothers of hip hop as much as Run, the Beasties, and NWA are the fathers.  And they are great.

Take it down a notch.  Or sideways a click.  Whatever.  Vast Aire.  Josh Martinez.  Prepschool.  Local crews like Missoula’s Inhumans.  These are working class emcees.  All bros.  Can you name one underground female Hip Hop crew that actually plays shows, let alone tours?  To quote an old time New Helvetian, Cam Villa aka El Diablo, “Girl, I’ve had enough.  Get your things, your stuff, and just cut.”

Let me help you out.

Repeat after me:  Toast.

When NWA came out with Fuck the Police and A Bitch is a Bitch, that turned heads because like it or not, it was hard.   And when G-Unit figured out how to mainline that attitude, it represented a big step forward in the ever controversial art of shock performance, which has been relived and redone by ninety percent of even the most legit male hip hop bands out there.  Eminem and dance hall are related to it.  As a disclaimer,  if you know what you are listening to, what it means and how to listen to it, some people argue a pretty good case it’s not even immoral.  Again, who cares for the moment.  I like music.

There is a space to fill here.  I mean that in the most sexual way.  Women.  Where has the response been to this male gangster attitude until now?  Toast, like ‘em or not, represents a very small but gritty & real shift on the boys vs. girls schoolyard rap scene.  Plus they are good.  With DJ Pony P watching their backs, the duo is just winding down a PNW tour and heading “back to dirty ass Haight street,” as posted on their MyFace.

Pony P happened to be my neighbor in grade school.  Small world.  End result, I got to play groupie the night of the show.  I took it as an opportunity to make sure they were legit.  (As if there was any doubt, considering their impeccable references.)  And they are.  They drink tequila, open doors, call for taxis if they want to go somewhere, and live up to every last lyric.  They are friendly too, just like I’d known them for years, so when they left me at the bar and the damn Portland rain got cold, of course I missed them.  But I recalled some of their own lyrics to clear my mind on the way home, “I don’t dwell on a bitch, I move on hella quick.”  Just not so quick I can’t find out when they’re playing next.

TOAST, as seen on their recent FTC-sponsored tour, is comprised of Rachael VonCookie from Portland, OR, Erika B. of Los Angeles, and DJ Pony P of Missoula, MT.  They own the stage like an octopus owns owns the garden.  Listen and download at bandcamp.